I wrote in a previous entry that for those who have been through some really tough times, it can seem as though we’re experiencing one long, continuous season of struggle. Even when you’ve endured great hardships, the road to recovery isn’t paved with gold… It’s a bit of a rocky, maybe even uncharted path that can make you wonder at times if it’s worth continuing. The temptation to give up and settle into the new, very grim “norm” will try to override the possibilities of rediscovery. Recovery takes time, dedication, and sacrifice… We’re headed to a place of peace and rest, but we must also be kind to ourselves on the journey.
I know I haven’t been very kind to myself. I think we have all been guilty of this as well. We judge the process in ourselves, and judge our ability to recoup our losses. I believe it has to do with our expectations regarding recovery. We believe when we’ve suffered we’ve earned some kind of “free pass” for immediate advancement past anymore “processes”. Well, let’s say that’s what I wanted, that’s what I expected, and I believed I had earned it through all I had experienced. Surely, when you go through there’s going to be a glorious unfolding of restoration and redemption that will make it all better. Basically, a break… Just tired, right? 🙂 I believe, however, that because of our expectation of recovery we often miss the process God is working in us. It gets right past us because it doesn’t look or feel like we thought it should. This happened to me; coming out just didn’t feel like I expected. And because it didn’t look or feel as I thought it should, I wasn’t grateful, thankful, or able to draw from the beauty of what God had done. There were green pastures and still waters all around me, but there was something missing.
I was led to contemplate the dilemma recently while talking with someone about the process of restoration. I was “fine”, but I didn’t want fine; I wanted done and over. This person did, too. After the conversation the Holy Spirit spoke to me: “it’s the memory…” And I responded right back “Memory of what?” He repeated it again, then said “the sounds of joy are mixed with the sounds of weeping…” Wow. He nailed it on the head, as He ALWAYS does. I was led to the history of the Children of Israel’s return to Zion as documented in the books of Ezra and Nehemiah. They were in the process of returning from exile, rebuilding the temple, and restoring the glory which once was. I began to incorporate parts of these stories into my time of study by the leading of the Holy Spirit. He talked to me about what restoration looked and felt like for them, and correlated it to us and our seasons. While rebuilding the temple and laying the foundation, something occurred among God’s people that happens to us as well when we’re on the mend. Memories began to rise. “It’s the memory…” Ezra 3:12-13 NIV (my abridged version)
But many of the older priests [Levites; family heads also], had seen the former temple, and wept aloud when they saw the foundation of this temple being laid, while many others shouted for joy. No one could distinguish the sound of the shouts of joy from the sound of weeping, because the people made so much noise.
It’s the memory of what was that often makes it difficult to fully embrace what is, and fully commit to hoping in what will be. We’re beginning to see the foundation rebuilt, but somehow, somewhere deep within us, something just isn’t the same. We recollect the struggle, the journey, and how much more that must be done to have some semblance of wholeness…and we remember what’s been lost… The sounds of restoration in our lives are frequently “mixed” sounds, just like the sound of these people in the above passage. We’re praising God because we’re alive; we made it, the weapon was formed, it didn’t prosper, and we’re STILL HERE! But… We didn’t come out without a scar, or limp. We have a long road ahead. Do we have the strength to rebuild? Will we live to see it all? Will it ever really be as it once was? There’s so much more in my heart, but I feel led to pause for reflection here.
With praise and thanksgiving they sang to the LORD: “He is good; His love to Israel endures forever.” And all the people gave a great shout of praise to the LORD, because the foundation of the house of the LORD was laid. Ezra 3:11 NIV
Consider This: We’ve come through, the foundation has been laid, but we are being robbed of the joy that comes from starting over, rebuilding, or recouping. There is much to celebrate; God is faithful to His people and to His Word, and we shall recover. Therefore, we can’t allow our memory of whatever hardship we endured to negate the revelation of His goodness in our recovery. The new you may not meet others’ expectations, and that impacts our perception of our process as well. However, the weeping must be overrun with praises from the Living Well that’s within us. There is a deeper place we can draw from; by His Spirit we must allow God to bring a revelation of our future that we may not see. It will strengthen our faith so that we can lift a mighty shout worthy of the Mighty God we serve. He promised after a little while He would establish us (1 Peter 5:10). Call on the well of the Spirit to overflow in you while you allow the foundations of a glorious “new you” to be formed by Your Loving Father. Raise the praise above the doubts, fears, and memories; welcome to a wiser, stronger, better YOU, by His Grace.