It Is Well~

I recently had a powerful conversation with some ladies that caused me to ponder this question: “who am I under pressure?” I have experienced some truly tough seasons of testing; during them I always felt isolated and censured, and that’s a very lonely place.  Darkness covers your mind when you’re experiencing a genuinely difficult hardship… In those times all you want is to have someone share your pain in hopes of finding support, sympathy, or answers; you need relief from it all. The need for relief isn’t wrong, even Jesus cried out “I thirst” while dying on the cross for us. But He was mocked even in this very basic need, and at times we are also. Talking with these women, I remembered how painful it was to believe you’re confiding your deepest wounds only to find you’ve made yourself vulnerable to judgment.

It’s one thing to be afflicted and to be alone in your anguish, another to be doubly afflicted and shamed in your anguish by those you consider friends. When I think of this, I think of Job and his friends. Much has been said of these lengthy discourses, and how quick they were to diagnose and judge his depressing state and condition… But I’d like to share another truth I gained while listening to the Holy Spirit minister to me through periods of isolation and censure. While we feel suffering earns us the right to bear our heart to whoever will listen, you have little idea what your words and heart sound like until you have them mirrored back to you. Everything was fine in Job 2:11-13; let’s read my abridged version of the Good News Translation:

When his friends Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar heard how much Job had been suffering, they decided to go and comfort him. While they were a long way off they saw Job, but did not recognize him. When they did, they wept, tore their clothes in grief and threw dust into the air and on their heads. Then they sat there on the ground with him for seven days and nights without saying a word, because they saw how much he was suffering.

They went to their friend, and when they saw him they wept for him. Despite how they’re portrayed for their ill-advised words and insensitivity, they truly had compassion towards him. In my mind they must have been true friends. Why am I so certain? Because only true friends come to see about the one who had everything and lost it all… Only friends will sit by your side for seven days straight in complete silence. And these men did; while he was silent, they were silent, and their silence reflects sincere and sympathetic acknowledgement of the pain and suffering they were witnessing… He didn’t need to say a word. But he did. In fact he said many words.

I wrote in my previous blog that our process and road to recovery often doesn’t look like others expect. I would like to expound on that here and go one step further; not only does our recovery not look as expected, but when we open our mouths and hearts too soon to others, it often doesn’t sound like recovery at all. Job was still processing his current condition, and at this point in recuperation our words can sound desperate, hopeless, erratic; even delusional. This immediately brings on the “diagnoses”. Anyone who cares one iota about you is going to try to “fix” you. It’s a lot like pharmaceutical commercials actually. First you hear someone naming all kinds of symptoms that any person might feel at one point or another, next thing you know they’ve named it for you. “You probably have ‘Restless Legs Syndrome’ or some other new ailment that can be fixed with a new drug. Truth be told, anything, and I mean ANYthing you complain about someone somewhere is ready to study, diagnose, and fix you. If we voice our grievance, we can be certain someone is going to mirror that misery back to us, or worse yet, tell us what needs “fixing”.

Job’s friends followed his lead. Silence was met with silence. But when he began to bear his soul, he literally said that he wished he’d died in his mother’s womb, or was even stillborn (Job 3:11). He asked God to curse the day he was born with darkness; he disclosed in their presence that he wished he was dead, and didn’t understand why he was still alive… Job had some harsh words for God, and they witnessed it all. Can you imagine the horror of Job’s friends to hear him speak this way? Can you imagine the responses of your loved ones and friends when you begin to vent in “not-so” righteous indignation about your suffering?

The Holy Spirit ministered to me in one of those “insult to injury” moments of my life; I was already hurting, but the words of friends only deepened the wound. We often think we need a listening ear, but some matters of our hearts should only be shared with the Holy Spirit; He IS our listening ear. I personally love how the Shunammite woman handled her distress. She spoke to no one, not even her husband about the death of their son; she only spoke to the person she knew was able to do something about it (if you haven’t, you should read about her in 2 Kings 4:8-37). The Holy Spirit can handle anything we want to say, and the only audience we truly need for our darkest thoughts is our Creator, our Savior and Chief Intercessor, and our Holy Counselor. The conversation Job had, calling on the heavens and cursing his birth before God and before his friends, was a very personal, private moment, and would have best been served by just talking to God in privacy. We know the end of Job’s story; we know God had a plan and purpose… He would have found peace, understanding, solace, and comfort a lot sooner had he said to his friends as the Shunammite woman said “it is well” and taken up his argument with the Lover of his soul, God Almighty… You and I can learn one resounding lesson about suffering and recovery from this 30-plus chapter discourse between Job and his friends.

Consider This: God understands our heart towards Him, even in our angry tirades; however, others may not. It’s our nature to focus on fixing the problem, and that leads to seeking “opinions”, “advice”, a “compassionate voice”, when our primary focus must be fixing our mindset concerning the problem. We need our regenerated Spirit to override our nature; the battle for our freedom, our recovery, and victory is first won in our minds. We must recognize that it’s the pain driving our attitude, words, and emotions in heated moments, because all we want is the pain to end. But in those rough seasons we need the oil of joy to be poured out over our mourning (Isaiah 61:3). We need the power of the Holy Spirit to undergird us and strengthen our mind and heart to focus our gaze intently on the Lord for help and deliverance. Prayer reveals the heart. If we’re talking to The One who created us rather than trying to get others to understand us, we’ll see that He already knows our every thought, every matter and concern on our hearts before we say a word. In His presence, in communion and prayer is the safest place to bare your soul…